


Nudist Run

by Wayward_Dragon



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack, Gen, Naked Dunban Strategy, Nudism, Nudity, Public Nudity, Spoilers, other characters mentioned briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 11:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30088089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Dragon/pseuds/Wayward_Dragon
Summary: An in-universe explanation for when you do a 'swimsuit/naked run'crackfic
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	Nudist Run

**Author's Note:**

> This is a crackfic I wrote in discord at midnight to a friend like 6 months ago and only just edited into shape.  
> This is just crack made by the power of Naked Dunban. You're welcome.

Shulk never liked clothes. He’d wear them, sure, but any excuse for them to come off, and off they went!

Fiora rolled her eyes, but being half-raised by her brother who Also constantly refused to wear clothes as much as possible, didn't have room to comment.

She and Reyn wore some pretty skimpy clothing, besides.

So it wasn't _that_ hard, after a few years of wheedling, to convince them that Tephra Cave was the perfect place to try a little proper nudism.

Its not like they hadn't seen each other naked like. All The Time. Childhood friends skinny dipping and all.

It was just the monsters, you know?

You didn't want a Turkin to take a swing at your _very exposed_ tender bits, now would you?

They had to put on the skimpy swimsuits they had if they were going to interact with people of course, but for a good few days it was freeing... _Amazing_ even...

Then after It Happened, Shulk and Reyn took to remembering that special, wonderful couple of days, and _just kept being naked_.

Sharla looked them up and down in their tight little swim shorts(they had to put them on when they got Juju- didn't want to be accused of being creeps and all that) and told them they looked stupid.

Reyn replied that Sharla wasn't much better with what she was wearing. She wore it because she liked it, right? Well they did too!

Sometimes, Reyn had said excitedly, sometimes they didn't _wear anything at all!_ Even into combat! It was a rush!

Sharla called them nuts, but she didn't tell them to put on clothes.

Post Xord, Dunban showed up, and after maybe two sentences and an assurance from Sharla that she had seen _so much_ ass, being a doctor, that it really didn't phase her at this point and you KNOW WHAT?

If you can't beat them, join them! 

Sharla throws her belt off into the bushes to punctuate her point.

Dunban happily stripped down in short order while Dickson just scoffed and lit another cigar.

After the guests left, Shulk sighed in relief and whipped off that pair of shorts, and they went wherever property went when they weren't wearing it.

Honestly, Shulk had never really thought about it.

They all went fully naked all the way till they found Melia.

Waking up an unconscious unfamiliar girl naked was. A bad idea.

Shulk knew that, and so did everyone else, so they reluctantly put on the swimsuits.

Melia thinks these new homs are fully insane.

If she focuses on THAT and not the hot people shamelessly strolling around in very tiny swimsuits that were APPARENTLY the only clothes they owned then she won’t blush so hard she passes out, now will she?

There was the implication that they would be fully naked if she weren't there, too. Which she shoved in the corner of her mind where she shoves all the feelings, facts, and events she doesn't want to process.

_Not today, horny thoughts!_

The nopon did not give one solitary Fuck that they were basically naked, Rikki delightedly joined them in about three seconds, even.

Not that nopon wore more than shirts a lot of the time anyway.

“We need to get serious,” Shulk said about the telethia.

“Agreed,” Dunban said.

“Sorry Meila, but against all odds, this works,” Sharla said.

Well.

Melia didn't know what she was expecting.

She should have known better.

In the second phase of the fight, they peeled off those skimpy little clothes and suddenly moved faster than she ever thought possible.

Maybe....

Maybe they were onto something, these homs.

No! No, that was stupid!

She was passing as human, which she would not without clothes.

This behavior would be very unbecoming of one of her status!

And yet...

The thought sat there in her mind, All the way to Alcamoth and to the trials.

Then she didn't have to hide her wings.

Well... The Erith Sea was a body of water.

Surely...

Surely wearing a swimsuit would be fine?

She had gotten far too used too their... _nakedness!_

She had brought them right to the capital and to political talks and her father and _almost forgot to explain_ that unfortunately these people who saved her and fought so well were all nudists Don't Be Alarmed Please Just Ignore it. To her father. And stepmother.

And brother.

Being Melia is suffering.

Surely she deserved buying that swimsuit after all that and seeing what the fuss was about?

It was just one silly little time? She wasn't going to join them and _stay_ like that.

...

_She wasn't!_

Running around that way was _so fun_ , well... it couldn't HURT to extend that time a little.

Or until she had to go back to the capitol.

She kept her proper clothes, thankfully, to go to Prison Island.

Then things got... Chilly.

But Dunban persevered, nipples bared to the cold, taunting a giant spider.

He didn't even look chilled. She didn't know how it was even possible, perhaps it was another strange power granted by the Monado.

Alvis didn't even seem weirded out about it, but Alvis had something deeply wrong with him Melia could never put her finger on.

So like. Melia didn’t really expect him to be perturbed.

The rest, after seeing Dunban encourage them so heavily, hurried to copy him.

Alvis said, “By all means, wear as little clothes as you like, I do not mind.”

Melia by now had grown numb to the shock of fully naked boss fights.

Also it made her feel something other than soul crushing grief.

So they were, buck-ass naked in a snowy hellscape, fighting Dunban's old... ex-friend?? For Shulks... childhood friend.

Melia wore clothes. She didn't trust she wouldn't get frostbite.

Egil touched down to the tiny Homs figures, he had a whole speech prepared.

"You are right, heir to the- Why are you... _Naked?_ "

It interrupted his whole vibe.

Another disgusting sin of Zanza and the Bionis.

He leaves, only barely remembering to tell them to visit him.

He had to warn his sister the Homs had chosen to start baring their... reproductive bits.

Was... was it a taunt?

He almost hoped it was.

Shulk KNEW Fiora didn't remember properly because she didn't remember why he was Like This.

And then they get Fiora Back! And she Remembers!

Good news! She's back!

Bad news! She's as stripped as she's going to get.

There isn't much skin to bear, really some on the core of her body?

The rest is pretty mechanical.

Well, at least she can technically always be naked and no one can call her on it?

The Machina Village thinks its all hilarious and doesn't mind if they run around naked.

Melia stays in her swimsuit for now, thanks.

Really, what was she hung up about again? None of these people care about politics, her Stepmother can’t disapprove anymore, her Father-

Its just her Brother and Loritha, and Alvis doesn't seem to care, so...

Sharla pulls her and Fiora aside for a little Makna hot springs visit.

And well...

She could put the swimsuit back on after.

She _could_.

She _should_.

...

Shulk gives her a high five and hollers, TEAM NAKED IS COMPLETE when they return.

The silliness of it eases the whole transition.

She is still 100% putting on real clothes if they return to the capitol, though.

Even if it _somehow_ makes her slower.

Then she doesn't have to worry about that at all anymore.

Zanza hadn't been paying attention to his host’s habits, before.

But when Shulk, panting, battered, and in that _stupid little speedo_ smirks and bares his shiny new third Monado, maybe he wishes he was paying attention when Shulk peels the clothing off and suddenly dodges Everything.

When everything is said and done, Alvis asks, “What is it that you wish for?”

Shulk exclaims, “I wish for a world, WITH NO GODS!”

As Alvis goes to begin the reboot of the universe, Shulk continues, “ _AND NO NEED FOR PANTS!_ ”


End file.
